The World Health Organization defines “gender” as “the characteristics of women, men, girls and boys that are socially constructed. “Socially constructed” means understanding various aspects of culture (usually that we take for granted) that are learned, and that vary from place to place and from time to time.
With regards to gender in the US, for example, the understanding of “woman” in Western thought has evolved starting around 1850, from ideas of women as weak and irrational such that women were entitled to no property with few rights, to ideas that women are capable and intelligent such that women can now own property, have access to higher education, can vote, hold public office, can apply for credit and open bank accounts without the permission of a man, and can even be pastors! At the turn of the last century, toddlers wore dresses irrespective of sex or gender, and pink was considered a color for boys. How has our concept of gender changed in more recent years?
Until the 1950’s, “gender” was understood only as a grammatical construct used primarily in German and Romance languages. Starting in the 1950’s in the West, “gender” began to be used to describe the social roles of men and women as distinct from “sex” (our primary and secondary sexual characteristics). Around the world, cultures interpret differences between the sexes to assign specific socially “appropriate” behavior (gender). Each culture has its own unique gender standards; a universal standard of gender roles does not exist. For example, “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” is an example of a US Western construct that men and women are psychologically distinct based on their sex characteristics, resulting in distinct, gendered ways of dealing with stress and communicating. Several Native American cultures have and continue to recognize “third genders”
(Muxes among the Zapotec; nadleeh among the Navajo people).
Today in Western cultures, having to fit into one of two gender roles is a problem for some who
struggle to fit completely into one or the other social category. (man or woman)
This is a complex topic and a topic that requires an open mind and heart - and listening to other’s feelings and experiences with respect and love. It is a process of understanding. Researching, reading, and listening with love is a great starting point to begin the journey towards accepting everyone for who they say they are without judgment or feeling threatened. Let’s share this path together as a church.
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/27/travel/mexico-muxes-third- gender.html?searchResultPosition=1
https://indiancountrytoday.com/archive/8-misconceptions-things-know-two-spirit-people
DEFINING WHO WE ARE
LGBTQ+ Terms and Definitions
Millions of people identify as LGBTQ+, and like many groups, they have their own vocabulary to talk about who they are and the challenges they face.
Being familiar with the following terms will help you to be a better ally - but be aware that some words, such as Queer or Gay, have been, and continue to be used derogatorily by people seeking to malign individuals, no matter how they self-identify. The term Queer has been reclaimed over time by the LGBTQ+ community, but some have a hard time embracing it.
This list is by no means exhaustive, and some of these terms – because they are so personal – can mean different things to different people.
LGBTQ: The acronym for “lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning or queer.” Some people use the Q to stand for "questioning," meaning people who are figuring out their sexual orientation or gender identity. You may also see LGBT+, LGBT*, LGBTx, LGBTQ+ or LGBTQIA or LGBTQIA+ or LGBTQ2S+. “I” stands for intersex and “A” for asexual/aromantic/agender.
Agender: Someone who doesn't identify as any particular gender, who may have little or no personal alignment with the concepts of either man or woman, and/or someone who sees themselves as existing without gender.
Asexual: A person who experiences little or no sexual attraction to others and/or a lack of interest in sexual relationship/behavior. They may or may not experience emotional, physical, or romantic attraction. Asexuality differs from celibacy in that it is a sexual orientation, not a choice. People who are asexual may call themselves ace.
Aromantic: A person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others and/or has a lack of interest in romantic relationships/behavior.
Bisexual: A person who is emotionally, romantically or sexually attracted to more than one gender.
Cisgender: A person whose gender identity aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth.
Gay: A sexual orientation that describes a person who is emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted to people of the same sex; commonly used to describe men.
Gender: The societal constructs we assign people based on their sex characteristics. When you hear someone say "gender stereotypes," they're referring to the ways we expect people to act and behave based on their sex.
Genderfluid: A person who does not identify with the gender binary and moves within genders and gender stereotypes.
Genderqueer: A person who does not identify or express their gender within the gender binary. They may identify as neither men nor women, may see themselves as outside or in between the gender binary, or may simply feel restricted by gender labels.
Intersex/differences of sexual development (DSD): An umbrella term that describes people born with any of 30 different variations in sex characteristics, including genitals, sex hormones or chromosomes. Medical professionals have been known to assign a gender at birth and perform surgeries to ‘align’ the physical appearance of the infant with typical male or female sex characteristics. The Intersex Society of North America opposes
this practice and believes a person should be allowed to decide their affirmed gender for themselves as they grow and mature.
Lesbian: A woman with an emotional, romantic and/or sexual orientation toward women. Some non-binary people also identify with this term.
Non-Binary or ENBY: Someone whose gender identity does not fall within the binary genders of female or male. “ENBY” is a phonetic spelling of the acronym “NB”.
Pansexual: A person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical and/or spiritual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions.
Queer: Originally used as a contemptuous slur, Queer has now become an umbrella term to describe the myriad ways people reject binary categories of gender and sexual orientation to express who they are.
Questioning: An individual who is unsure of and/or exploring their gender identity and/or sexual orientation.
Transgender: A person whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.
Two-spirit: A self-determined indication of gender and identity describing someone outside the gender binary of man/woman within North American Indigenous communities. It affirms the interrelatedness of sexuality, gender, romance, community and spirituality within Indigenous culture, although meaning can vary widely according to the user’s cultural heritage.
Other Commonly Used Terms and Definitions
AFAB / AMAB: Assigned female at birth or assigned male at birth. Affirmed Gender is the gender by which one wishes to be known.
Ally or LGBTQ2S+ Ally: A person who supports LGBTQ people, promotes equality, confronts heterosexism, anti-LGBTQ biases, and heterosexual and cisgender privilege in themselves and others. They believe that heterosexism, homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia are social justice issues.
Binary: The concept of dividing sex or gender into two clear categories. Sex is male or female, gender is masculine or feminine.
Pronouns or Preferred Gender Pronouns: A pronoun or set of pronouns used to refer to a person without using their name. In English, the singular pronouns we use most often frequently are gendered. An individual may prefer certain pronouns, which can signal their gender identity. The most common pronouns are she/her, he/him and they/them.
Sex: The label you are assigned at birth based on your anatomical features, chromosomes and hormones.
Sexual orientation: How to describe a person's enduring physical, romantic and/or emotional attraction to other people. It differs from "sexual preference," which implies it's a choice and easily changed.
*If you are interested in a more comprehensive listing of terms, feel free to use this link to PFLAG’s website. "PFLAG is the nation's first and largest organization dedicated to supporting, educating, and advocating for LGBTQ+ people and those who love them."
Sources / For further information:
https://www.vanderbilt.edu/lgbtqi/resources/definitions
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/08980101211072645
HOSPITALITY FOR ALL
A number of us have participated in the St. Paul book club over the last three years, where we’ve read books that address injustice in a variety of contexts, including racism, poverty, education, environment, and the criminal justice system, to name a few. Some in the group felt that simply reading about injustices without doing anything about it was insufficient, and formed the St. Paul Equity and Inclusion team.
Our goal is to work to change laws, policy, and practices that can help to bring about a more just world. We look for opportunities to do justice work in our wider communities, and we look for opportunities in our own St. Paul community, too. Some of our conversations about our church community have focused on hospitality – how we welcome everyone to our St. Paul church life.
When our congregation came together in 2011 to create a new mission statement, we agreed to include the phrase “to accept and welcome all” in recognition of the Christian practice to offer hospitality and to create spaces where we are accepted just as we are – beloved children of God.
The St. Paul Equity and Inclusion team has been asking how we’re doing with living into that statement. What do we mean when we say we welcome all? What does it mean to offer hospitality to all who walk through the doors of our church?
Jesus said, “When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, in case they may invite you in return, and you would be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind” (Luke 14:12–13). Jesus continues, telling a story of someone who had a great dinner and his invited guests made excuses not to come, so the master tells his slaves to invite the poor, crippled, and blind, and when there was still room for more guests, they invited casual passers-by. In short, Jesus instructed us to welcome even people who cannot return the invitation. We are invited to widen the tent, with no hope of a return benefit.
Imagine the apostle Paul spreading the Christian message to communities of Greeks who likely dressed differently, spoke different languages, held different religious practices, and ate differently than Paul without the open hospitality of those early church communities. How might the Good News have spread without the Jewish communities altering their own practices (like dietary laws and circumcision) to include the stranger, the other?
How is our St. Paul church community doing truly in welcoming all? What practices might we need to change to make sure we’re offering hospitality as Jesus instructed? As Pastor Jana would say "convicting ideas for our congregation to think about."
Respecting YOU
Let’s take a short memory trip back to an elementary school grammar lesson. I think we all remember that pronouns are words used to substitute for someone’s name in conversation or writing. Examples are she/her/hers, they/them/theirs, etc. “See John over there? Please take him this book.” Simple, right? Well, not always! As society becomes open to different forms of gender expression, you can’t always take for granted someone’s preferred pronouns.
You may have been in a meeting recently where someone introduced themselves like this: “Hi, my name is Samantha Smith, and my pronouns are she/hers”. Or perhaps you’ve seen it in someone’s email signature line, on a nametag or in their Zoom call identification. This person has chosen to self-identify their preferences instead of having others assume which pronouns they use based on their name or appearance. Including pronouns is a first step toward respecting people’s identity and it creates a more welcoming space for people of all genders. It shows that we are open to non-traditional forms of identity and gender expression in support of the LGBTQIA communities.
It’s OK if you don’t feel like sharing your personal pronouns – not everyone feels that need or is comfortable doing so. It may feel awkward, especially the first few times you do it, or when you’re in a situation where you are already familiar with everyone there. But consider someone who may be questioning their gender identity, and how you taking the lead may help them feel more included in the group. If someone you don’t know has not shared their pronouns, don’t assume you know what they are, and refer to them by name rather than a pronoun.
So how should we react when we accidentally refer to someone by the wrong pronoun? Simply apologize and move on (example, you referred to Alex as “he” when Alex uses “they/them/their” pronouns): “Oh, my mistake, this is Alex, they are one of the committee members who will be presenting tonight.” We all make mistakes, just be mindful and commit to using the correct personal pronouns moving forward.
This effort to be more welcoming and open is not simple or straightforward, and will take practice before it starts to feel ‘natural’. But if as a church we want to live up to the ideal that “love wins” and that we are an open and affirming church, then we should consider using pronoun identification in our everyday interactions. It’s just another step along our journey together that Jesus invites us to walk every day.
401 East Main St, Barrington, IL 60010
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St Paul UCC is an open and affirming community of the United Church of Christ
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Wed - 9am to 4pm
Thu - 9am to 3pm
Fri - Closed
Sat - Closed
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St. Paul United Church of Christ is a safe and welcoming congregation, strong in God’s spirit and grace. We invite you to join us in any of our many activities. Services are on Sundays and can be attended live or online. We are an open and affirming church so you can be who you were born to be. Our ministries are extremely important to our members, as well as the Barrington, Illinois surrounding communities. Although we are a small community, we are life changing and we are called to serve. Each year we feed hundreds of families with Thanksgiving baskets, St. Paul Suppers, and through our Food Pantry. If serving the hungry is important to you, then check out St. Paul United Church of Christ Barrington. Our music program is second to none, with a full choir, male choir, and handbells choir. St. Paul Barrington also plays a large role in supporting outside ministries. We’re active in Pride Parades, Fourth of July festivities, and other community activities throughout the year. If you are looking for a United Church of Christ or a church in Barrington, IL, come visit St. Paul United Church of Christ. Located behind the Barrington Metra train station, we are just a short commute away. Contact the St. Paul UCC office for any additional details.